My goodness, I’ve just realised that it’s been over THREE MONTHS!!! since I published my last hilariously entertaining blog post. You must be missing me terribly, I can only apologise. You would have thought that the thousands of emails that have been sent to me begging for the next instalment would have resulted in me...

Hello everyone! It hurts me to have to tell you this, but sadly the tale of how I Nearly Died is fast drawing to a close and there are only a couple more hilariously entertaining posts left in the series. Believe me, I’m much sadder about this than you are because the money making opportunities that...

Gosh you guys have got some stamina- ten posts in and you’re still going strong. The trauma of my Near Death and subsequent saga of my near life must be very entertaining for you- I’m so thrilled that you’re all having such a great time at my expense. Once again literary plaudits have been rained...

I simply cannot believe that not ONE of you has signed up to my desperate pay-per-view initiative. You do know I live in Petersfield right? The cost of nearly living here is astronomical and if you don’t start paying for the privilege of reading about my tits soon then a move back ’oop North to...

Hello everyone, sorry I haven’t posted any of my hilariously entertaining blog posts for a while. So far the advertising revenue has failed to materialise so there’s not actually much incentive to write this other than to make a significant contribution to the literary canon. Word has obviously spread about how hilariously entertaining my blog...